Nolan: Month Three

**happy dance**

I got a FULL night's sleep for the first time since Nolan was born. And it happened LAST night. He's been sleeping through the night for a couple of weeks now, but occasionally he'd wake up wanting his paci or a quick "Shh" back to sleep. Or I'd instinctively wake up because of the internal clock I'd created with my consistent 3 a.m. pumping session. Or all three combined. But...a happy 3-month birthday to me. It's a little bittersweet because I thought for sure I wouldn't celebrate such an accomplishment until much later in our little man's life. Maybe 9, 10, or 12 months down the road. I mean, I'll breastfeed until he's one year old, right? Wrong. Ok, then I'll pump for that long! Nope...wrong again.

So, here's where we're at:

I was ready to be an exclusive pumper. I was truly emotionally and physically committed to take on such a crazy, consuming lifestyle. And for a season, it was wonderful. Just what we needed, and it totally worked for our family. But shortly after our last trip to hometown, my milk supply dropped drastically. I kept on, thinking maybe I was just in a slump, hoping the amount of milk I had been producing would come back. But, sadly, it didn't. Can I confess something, though? I surprised myself at just how "not sad" I actually was. And am. I have been incredibly encouraged by friend after friend, woman after woman, at what an incredible thing it is to take on pumping exclusively. 

But y'all. It was no joke.

Having done a little of everything, I need to say something. Because whether you breastfeed, pump, or give your little one formula from a bottle, each is a comMITment and a beautifully humbling thing in and of itself. 

To you breastfeeders: 

What an accomplishment. And I truly applaud you and commend your perseverance if your experience was anything like mine. You are my hero (and you know who you are)! And if it came incredibly natural for you, AMAZING. If I get to have another go at it, please teach me your ways! What an irreplaceable gift you have with your sweet baby.

To you pumpers:

Whether you pump from time-to-time or exclusively, like I tried, it's HARD. May you have 10-20 minutes of "you time" every now and again to relish in and soak up as you provide for that babe in a unique way. And try lighting a yummy-scented candle next to your pumping station. That helped me relax a lot :). Multi-tasking has never looked so cray-cray, has it?

And to my fellow formula-feeders:

WhatEVER may have brought you to this point. Whether you decided to do it from the get-go or gradually made your way to this place...welcome. Having been an exclusively formula-fed baby myself, I have no problem settling right where we're at. I really wanted to try breast milk because, hey, let's be real. It's free, readily available, and super nutritious for that growing baby. But I always knew in the back of my mind that formula was an option too and found comfort in that if (and when) my breast milk just didn't suffice. Even if my sweet hubby had to remind me so (xoxo).

I have been discouraged (by myself mostly) and encouraged throughout this three-month feeding journey. And what a journey it has been. I am SO thankful for the time I got to breastfeed AND, yes, even pump. I see it as just one way I provided for our boy and, in a sense, for our family. I began the process of weaning off the pump. I'm down to one pitiful pumping session per day, and it won't be long before I won't do it at all. 

Why go into all of this blabbing about how I feed, or don't feed, my child you may ask? Because this blog is for my family, especially for Nolan, to know and remember our journey through parenthood. The highs and the lows. And in this season, at this very moment, I need to be reminded of the fact that my identity is not in how I feed my child or anything else I will try to measure my worth up to. But in Jesus alone.

A sweet, breast-feeding, rockstar of a friend put it this way:

"Just remember, there's NO shame when the milk runs out. Let your body give what it can give and then call it an incredible WIN for you and Nolan."

We won, buddy boy. We won.

And Lord, time and time again, you. have. been. faithful. 

I want our family to remember that always.

Now for the three-month update on our growing, silly little man:

Halloween happened this month! We dressed you as a very last-minute hunter.

You love to mimic the faces Daddy makes. You're super close to laughter.

Cloth diapers fit you much better this month, and we're finally getting the hang of them. Mommy LOVES them.

Football holds your attention unlike anything else.

As previously mentioned, you've started sleeping through the night!

You talk so much and have so much to say. One day we'll understand you :).

You are a professional drooler and bubble maker. 

You stayed in the nursery for the first time this past Sunday with our Eden Village Church family. They told me you behaved yourself ;).

You love to swing.

You like to nap in your Boppy Lounger on Mommy and Daddy's bed with our comforter as your blanket.

You absolutely positively adore your little play gym mat thing. I think you talk to those hanging animals more than Daddy and me combined.

You received your first UGA attire. Go Dawgs!

You met more aunts and uncles at our most recent visit to hometown.

And you celebrated your very first Thanksgiving. We stayed here, in Savannah, and celebrated with close friends/family.

Happy three months, Nolan.

Thanks for still bearing with us, son.

Nolan: Month Two

This has been quite an eventful month. Nolan is growing and doing all kinds of exciting things. We tapped out of nursing when little man began to lose weight, not gain. I am, for as long as I'm able, what they call an exclusive pumper. Much like the writer of this blog. Never did I ever think those two words would combine to describe me. I had never even heard of such a thing until I became a mom. Multiple visits to the hospital, brainstorming with the lactation consultant, far too many weight checks and tears later, here I am. Exclusively pumping. And it's working. Nolan is steadily putting on weight, and I think we've finally found our feeding rhythm. And it only took two months.  

Friends, moms, and friends who are moms have told me time and time again that the time will fly by. That I'll blink and Baby Nolan will no longer meet the description of that four letter word in front of his name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No.

The struggle is REAL.

We hit our first monumental "never again" moment this second month. N will never wear newborn clothes again. Waaahhh. Our little boy is growing so fast! There I said it. Cliché, but SO true.

But at the same time, I kind of love it. I love the changes our little guy is going through and the ways in which he is developing right before our eyes. I mean, on one day I couldn't get him to grin if my life depended on it, and the next morning he's grinning ear to ear as I un-swaddle him from his slumber. What?? It's truly mesmerizing.  

Here's where we're at:

As previously mentioned, you started voluntarily smiling this month! Talk about A to the DORABLE. That gummy smile gets us every time. You'll do it the most after you've eaten. You are your mother's child.

Newborn clothes are no longer necessary. You are officially rocking 3-month outfits. 

You are "talking" a lot. Coo-ing and goo-ing, and you have so much to say. I'll stop anything I'm doing to listen. Thus, the lack of dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. going on (or not going on) around the house. Sorry not sorry :). Though, admittedly, I do struggle with the mess sometimes. Your daddy gives me so much grace in the cleaning department. 

You seem to be going through a "picky sleeper" phase at nap time. You only like to lay in certain positions, and it's quite the puzzle for your dad and me to figure out.

You have absolutely no issues at bedtime, though. Thank you for that. 

You are one easy-going baby. You go with the flow and have really joined us on this ride called "life." 

You have so many friends. They're just much older ;). Noel is just your size, and we love playdates with him and his mama.

You took your first trip to "hometown" this month, and you were a champ. You met so many family members including the rest of your great-grandparents. We have yet to meet your birthday buddy and cousin, Maddie. Soon though. 

Oh and you went on your first father-son outing to the Oatland Island Wildlife Center! The first of many adventures you two will take.

Nolan, you're such a trooper. Your love for car rides, swinging, pacifiers, and swaddling is simply precious. Are you a perfect baby? Of course not. But we're not perfect parents either. I mean, remember that night we all had a major breakdown? Enough said :). 

But we LOVE you. Fiercely. 

Happy two months, Nolan.

Thanks for still bearing with us :).

Nolan: Month Won

Why "Month Won?" 

Because we've made it a whole entire month with a tiny one in our midst and that, in my book, is one heck of a win.

I have never felt more alive and yet more exhausted (simultaneously) in my whole life. 

Welcome to the family, sweet Baby Boy. 

I take pictures of hardly anyone else. 

The past 4+ weeks have been a whirlwind. My husband is a champ. Our baby is a champ. And each day presents itself with grace upon grace and learning opportunity upon learning opportunity for this mommy. I've stopped believing the lie that we'll ever have this parenting thing totally figured out. And strive to believe what so many keep telling me: each stage is only temporary. There is no such thing as "normal." One day I'll long for pieces of the past that, at the time, I was wishing away because it was "hard" or "inconvenient." Oh yeah...and remember to give yourself grace. 

Kevin and I have learned that we (literally) can't do this on our own. We desperately need Jesus to intervene. All day. Every single day. The best part? He totally does.

And to my husband: 

Babe, there is no one else I'd rather do this whole parenting thing with than you. Absolutely no one. It's hard. It's scary. It's vulnerable. But it's also funny. And wonderful. And reviving. And I hope you never get tired of hearing me tell you just how incredible of a dad you are. It just comes out as the overflow of the joy that's in my heart when I see it playing out right before my eyes time and time again. Call me biased, but I hope Nolan grows up to be just like you.

I have so much to share and so much that I want to remember. 

More about the delivery day and the days that immediately followed are coming up in the near future.

For now, I'll focus on Nolan's first month of life and (just for kicks and giggles) his "likes" and "like-nots." 

Your Likes:

Paci. There's no shame in how often we pop that thing in your mouth. It's love, people.

Pooping, peeing, and farting too. He'll kill me one day for putting this.

Car/stroller rides. You love being in your carseat.

Eating. Nursing didn't come easy for us. But by golly, I think we've got it.

Bathtime.

Storytime. You love the sound of Dad's voice and looking at the pictures.

Swaddling. We thought you had to keep your arms out and free. But (as of yesterday) it turns out you WILL let us tuck your arms in there too :).

Noise. Absolute quiet drives you crazy. Thank goodness for sound machine apps!

Getting out of the house. We'll go out to eat, take walks around the neighborhood, hang out with our Village Group, watch Sunday evening kickball games, and volleyball...

Mommy & Daddy. We like to think so.

Your Like-Nots:

Hiccups. Bless your heart. They frustrate you. And you get them almost every day and at the worst times (aka bedtime).

Silence. You sleep best to white noise and amongst commotion and people talking. Love you for that!

Other tid-bits:

You've been able to steadily hold your head up since day two. None of that bobble head stuff. AMAZING.

We affectionately call you "monkey," "tiger," or "piggy" depending on the noise you make :).

You rolled from your tummy to your back at just over three weeks of age. You've done that twice now.
You slept in your crib in the nursery for the first time this past week!

You have brought more joy and adventure to our lives. We hope you know already just how much we adore you. Lord, help us love this little boy like You do.

Happy One Month, Nolan.

Thanks for bearing with us :).

A Bumpdate: My Due Date

We did it! 

We made it.

Happy due date, Nolan!

I officially know that my body can (and will) carry a baby to full, complete, all the way up-to-the-last-minute term. And what a roller coaster ride it has been. For the past few weeks, every hiccup, cramp, tightness, or squirm has made me pause and ask, "Could this be it?" And, whew, is that exhausting. But, still, overall I feel good. Good and pregnant. But we are steadily running out of room, and my body is steadily running out of energy and comfortable positions to be in. A beautiful mess indeed.

Nolan, we are truly thankful that you have waited. It has taught your dad and me so much about our Maker, and with each passing day that we're asked to wait a little longer, we're only reminded more and more of His unwavering character. And His unwavering goodness. We're so thankful for friends and family who have spoken truth and encouragement into our season of waiting. We can't wait to meet you, sweet boy! It will be soon. 

Very, very, VERY soon.

With that said, here's my final update before our little buddy is out of my belly and in our arms.

How far along:

40 weeks! On the dot :).

Name:

Nolan Dorsey Dickerson

Wearing:

Flip flops. Everyday all day. Except for the occasional time I'll cram my feet into a pair of Toms or tennis shoes just for kicks and giggles.

Other than that, it's all about comfort at this point.

Sleeping?

Sometimes yes. Most times no. Naps come easily during the day though. Maybe it's the Lord's way of getting me ready? I like to think so.

Movement:

This has never been a problem area for our little man. He is incredibly active and keeps us laughing and/or marveling at his acrobatic ways.

Cravings:

Ok. So maybe I don't truly "crave" Cinnamon Toast Crunch anymore. It's probably more of an obsession now.

Symptoms:

Braxton Hicks come pretty regularly depending on the day. Some days I have them often, some days hardly at all. I was slightly dilated and 50-60% effaced at my last appointment about a week ago. Progress...yay! My feet still get poofy, but that's nothing new. And nope, my wedding rings still don't fit :(.

What I'm loving:

My dancing belly. I'm soaking up these last days of being able to experience our son's movements so intimately. It's remarkable and the most beautiful part of pregnancy, I think.

Looking forward to:

DUH.

I can hardly wait to count those fingers and toes!

XOXO

Two Plus One

It's starting to really sink in. We're so close to becoming a family of three! 

We were really hoping to have some maternity photos taken, and when our super good friend, Jessica, of Love Ya Jess (shameless plug right there) said she would take them for us, I knew it meant two things: 1) Jess, Jeff, and Livie would visit, and we'd get to spend some time with two of our closest hometown friends and 2) we'd walk away with the most beautiful pictures to capture our growing family. She has never let us down. 

Jessica has been there since the beginning of "Kevin + Meagan". Literally. She even captured the very first picture of Kev and me when we were dating (and you know how important that picture is to a relationship), along with our engagement, pieces of our wedding, and everywhere in-between. Needless to say, we love her and her talent and so appreciate her willingness to capture such a precious time for us.

Thank you, Jess!

37 weeks and counting...

 

A Bumpdate: Month 9

HOW in the world did I get here? Just yesterday, we were finding out we were pregnant, and then it could have only been hours ago that we found out we'd welcome a son in August. Am I right? Now here we are. August begins...um...TOMORROW.

There are so many indicators that this is actually happening. Us having a baby, I mean. My belly is most definitely not shrinking. My BabyBump app tells me we have a mere 26 days left until Baby N's due date. We have a way to get him home and a place for him to lay his head once he gets here. We had our last 36-week ultrasound yesterday, and little man is all geared up for delivery. He's in the best possible position and according to his measurements, he's estimated to arrive 5 days earlier than his anticipated due date and could weigh as much as 6 lb, 12 oz already! We'll see if he holds true to that when he comes. My guess is that he'll weigh less but what he lacks in muscle mass he'll make up for in his leg length. I'm convinced he's got the longest legs. I love the stats, but it's so fun to just imagine what he'll be like and look like face-to-face.
I can hardly wait.

How far along:
36 1/2 weeks

Name:
Nolan Dorsey Dickerson

Wearing:
My wardrobe hasn't changed much over the last month. I'm all about comfort, not style, these days. And my latest fashion trend? Compression socks. Oh yes. Cutie alert! They're ridiculous, and I don't even care. My doctor recommended them for my swelling ankles and feet, so I'm trying them out for the first time today. Already they feel less sore. Thank you, Lord.

Sleeping?
Like a rock. Since we moved into the house just shy of a week ago, I haven't even gotten up for my routine bathroom breaks in the middle of the night. I can't even describe how tired I am when my head hits the pillow each night. And that's with a nap or two happening during the day.

Movement:
Yes. Yes. And yes.

Cravings:
Cinnamon Toast Crunch is still a winner. The only reason I'm not eating it these days? We ran out. Bagels and cream cheese are also a new fixation. Mmmmm.

Symptoms:
As previously mentioned, I'm trying with all my might to conquer these swollen feet/ankles and still be a mobile, somewhat active, human being. It's really the only pregnancy "complaint" I have, so I'm thankful. I thought heartburn might become an issue, but it stayed at bay.

What I'm loving:
Despite the aches and pains that have accompanied my preggo self these last several weeks, I wouldn't trade the way my husband has cared for me every single step of the way. And y'all...that is not an exaggeration. He is seriously the best caretaker. It's in his nature, and I've had the pleasure of experiencing it ever since we started dating. From my sickest to achiest of days, he's been right by my side. Making sure I'm looked after around the clock. He rubs my ankles, ices my feet, and helps me pick out the best-fitting compression socks. Now if that's not love, then I don't know what is.
From the bottom of my heart:
Thank you, babe.

What's new:
Hardwood floors. I'm loving them. And our new neighborhood that we call home!

Accomplishment(s):
We attended our birthing class! Lots of information. Lots. But I feel way more prepared and comfortable with what I'm heading into. I feel much less naive and much more in tune with what will be happening on the big day.
Our Savannah friends and family celebrated Nolan with the most wonderful baby shower recently. So much love and grace was shown by the giving hearts of those women, and we could not be more thankful. One of the gifts I received was a prenatal massage from a sweet, certified friend. She came to my house on Tuesday and treated me to the most relaxing hour I've had in a very, VERY long time. I hope to get at least one more before the term "prenatal" no longer applies ;).
In less than two weeks (with the help of SO many), we managed to close on our house, paint it, clean it, and have all of our stuff moved in and (somewhat) organized. We have a ways to go, but it's coming along nicely!

Looking forward to:
A visit from sweet friends in just a few short days for some maternity pictures!
Immediately followed by an extended visit from my mom and brother! Mom is going to help me with the final touches on Nolan's nursery while Bub and Kev get some house/yard work done. Just the time spent with them and their company will be heavenly. Love and miss them tons! We'll miss you, Daddio!
And of course...we are MOST looking forward to meeting our little boy. I feel so at peace about becoming a mom. Are we ready? Never. But we're definitely ready to try. We love you so much already, baby boy.

A Numbered Street

It's funny. I had originally said, when I found out that Savannah would be "home" for us for a while, that I wanted it to be for just a season. Maybe 5 years. Kev can get the experience he needs at Gulfstream, and then we're booking it back to hometown. Yeah...so funny.

Home buying has been on our radar for quite some time now. In the beginning, we thought we would remain in Pooler for an extended period of time, so we began looking in the older part of town because it's well...old. And we're into that sort of thing when it comes to home stylings. Plus, at the time, I was teaching in Pooler, Kev was working at the airport (also in Pooler), and we really felt like the Lord had great things in store for our community. We are also super attached to some really great folks we do a lot of life with and have really grown to love. Deeply. So living in this city (Pooler) just made sense for our family.

Ever since we found out we were pregnant back in December, it seems like more and more we've been drawn to live in the city of Savannah. I am no longer tied to working in Pooler (since I'll be a SAHM for a while) and we've begun to spend a whole lot of time there. Kev has been playing volleyball at Daffin Park on Mondays for a long, long time, and we're now a part of a Village Group (missional community) with Eden Village Church that meets regularly in Savannah. We've dreamed of moving closer to the city someday, and the Lord began to make that dream a reality for us over the course of the past several months. He's confirmed our doing so time and time again.

So we bought a house.

I've always wanted to live on a numbered street. Why? It just sounds so Savannian! Don't you think? And well, it just so happens that our favorite part of Savannah (midtown) is chalk full of numbered streets. As we began our house search in the area, many of the ones we looked at were in fact on a numbered street. Sweet! So a few months after we found out we were expecting, we looked, and looked...and looked. Our realtor, Kassie (Brooks) Peterson, who is also a dear friend from hometown who moved down here with her military hubby, was the best. She was so proactive and helpful in helping us find a house in the location we desired at a price we could afford. She and Kevin did a lot of the talking and coordinating, and most days, I was literally just along for the ride :). Looking around at all of the different houses was a blast. I felt like I was on one of those HGTV shows I watch all the time! So fun.

In May, we eventually stumbled upon a fixer-upper home (on a numbered street I might add), that had a lot of potential. Somewhere in there. We were sure of it. So sure in fact, that we made an offer on the house and the whole process began. We had accepted the fact that a fixer-upper was probably what we could afford right now. You know, get it up to par and at least ready to move into and then we can finish and make it feel more like "home" over the course of the following months or even years. All the while, crossing our fingers that the Property Brothers would come to town, meet us, and turn this house into our dream home. As you can imagine, that totally didn't happen. But we were ready to tackle such a project. Truly we were. People thought we were crazy (and we probably were a little bit) for taking on something so intense with the pending birth of our son being so close, but we really felt that pursuing this house was exactly what we were meant to do. It's not the house we ended up getting, but I have no doubt that we were meant to pursue it.

I'll (briefly) explain:
We went under contract on the fixer-upper and began the negotiating. After much discussion back and forth on this rickety little place, our "reno" window of opportunity was steadily closing. Several days would pass at times before we'd hear anything back from the seller's realtor about how they felt about our offer and what step we should take next (a part of our frustrations, yet a part of God's orchestrations). Offers were made and accepted. Stipulations were put into place and turned down. Minds and prices changed. It was a whirlwind. And it wasn't long before the deadline passed at which Kev and I felt comfortable with moving forward with such a project before Nolan's expected arrival. Meanwhile, Kassie, Kevin, and I began looking at other houses in order to continue our search should that other house fall through. And fall through it did. We made the decision to terminate that contract and pursue another all in the same day. All while standing in the living room of the house we now call "home."

There we were. Two people, disappointed that the other house hadn't worked out, but standing in a move-in ready home that probably would have been out of our financial reach and off of our radar had we not pursued the other. By now, it's practically mid-June. What finances we had intended to use for renovations, we could now use as a down payment on the home of our dreams. Was this really happening?! HOW was this happening?! So, we took a (giant) leap of faith and decided to make an offer on the newly discovered, waiting-to-be-lived-in, built-in-1951 home. We entered a bit of a bidding war (so HGTV-ish) and won, and so the waiting game commenced...once again. But I'll never forget the night the bidding war took place. The sellers had asked each buyer who had shown interest in the house (us and one other party) to put forth their best and final offer. Naturally, we felt a little overwhelmed at the unknown and feared making the wrong decision. But we knew what we felt comfortable paying and decided to stick to our guns. I will forever remember the prayer my husband prayed after we finished relaying the information to Kassie and got off the phone. He poured out his heart (and vicariously my own) about our desires for this home. His prayer wasn't about our desires to have a building to own or a place to call home. Our apartment provided just that. Instead, his prayer reiterated our desire for space to serve and to love and to get to know our neighbors in a community we truly believe we are meant to be a part of. Instead of asking the Lord to "give us this house" as I would have so easily prayed, Kevin recalled time after time after time when the Lord has been faithful in our lives. "Lord, you were faithful...*fill in the blank*...." Why should we doubt his faithfulness now? And so we rested. Literally. And reveled in the fact that our God is faithful. Whether we got the house or not.

The next morning, we found out that our bid had beaten the other and so, we went under contract and began the part of the process where we...you guessed it...wait. We set a closing date and closed ON TIME (a miracle in and of itself in the home-buying world, so I'm told). And as of just shy of a week ago, that beautiful little home on that adorably numbered street became our own.

Lord, you are faithful.

We've spent every day at the new house (along with some really great friends and family) cleaning and painting and preparing for our big move this weekend. I am *finally* able to begin working on Baby N's nursery, and have spent much of my time there propping up my swollen feet and being encouraged by the company and conversation we've already had within those walls.
I'm overwhelmed with thankfulness, and I can't wait to begin making that house our home. Although, I think it's already become that for us.

Welcome home.

I never want to forget this story. And I never want to forget that God is so good and so much to us.

Including our Provider.

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:26-34