Saturday, July 7, 2018

I'm behind, but it's okay.

I haven't blogged in SO LONG.
I have much catching up to do and there are several things that I want to document on here including two BIG DEAL family trips to Florida, two SUPER SPECIAL hometown visits, and a zoo day with Nolan ALL TO MYSELF. But my lack of blogging and not staying on top of all of the things is honestly a reflection of where my heart is desiring to be lately. 
Free from the things that I believe are worthy of my striving. 
And they just aren't.
And never will be.
I am free to blog today about things that happened a long time ago.
I am free to not have my act together.
I am free because God's grace is sufficient for the major and seemingly minor.
When things begin to wreck havoc on my heart in a way they were never meant to, I'm realizing it's time for me to step back and practice being present in light of His presence. Things wreck havoc because I'm ultimately believing that my fulfillment and value come from them.

Ever since I found myself in a California hospital fighting for mine and our unborn baby's life, I find myself STILL living in many ways day by day. But I think in a holy way. There are absolutely things that I plan ahead for and look forward to that go far beyond the handful of hours ahead of me, but being present and sanctified in the moments I'm given now is a place I find God bringing me back to over and over again. 
It's ridiculous how even now as I'm typing this, anxiety is trying to creep in. It vies for my attention and energy often these days. But then my focus hones in on my son playing with a fire truck on the floor at my feet. He is singing "What a Beautiful Name" and suddenly, I feel peace.

"Abide in me," He says.
Over and over again.

This isn't even what I had planned on blogging about today. Maybe I'll blog about that tomorrow.

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